Loving Oneself

I have been working through various health issues over the past few years, finding spiritual ways to improve or even alleviate them, alongside homoeopathic help to try to cease my dependence on “anti-” medications. Last month I turned my attention to my nose, which has permanent rhinitis and reacts to anything. I was surprised when the message I got through meditation was that I had to love myself more.

Now I thought I had made good progress on love in the last few years – and have seen how loving myself more spills over into loving others more as well. I have become far more open-hearted and trusting. Less critical of myself, and I would like to think non-judgemental of anyone. But clearly I have only touched the surface so far, and it has been quite hard to realise how far from truly loving I am – if my health is an indicator of this.

On a parallel track, as M grows up and becomes more independent, I have started to think more about what direction I want to go in next. Sometimes it would be much easier to know what our life plan is, know what we should do and how we should act, and be confident in ourselves. But that would mean loosing our free will which the rest of the natural world frequently reminds us we are unique in possessing. Ultimately what we learn for ourselves through our difficulties seems to me more valuable at the soul level than what we simply do by instinct. As I develop further spiritually, I find I question more things in my life, influence my environment around me simply by my desires, and have much more trouble working out what I should focus on. Dreams that have long been buried come to the fore, but then there are too many possibilities. So as part of all this, I have started to put together a summary of different ‘pathfinding’ methods for myself to see what clues each gives me for following my life path and, more importantly, where they coincide. So far I have looked at two types of Numerology, palmistry, astrology, eye reading, and foot reading. All areas I either know something about already, or else where there is information easily available online. While individually there wasn’t a lot to surprise me, by putting them all together two aspects came out of it that I hadn’t expected.

1. My crazy path through life is probably going the right way even if it doesn’t always feel like it at the time. The various jobs I have had, and activities I am now involved in, do actually make sense when taken as a whole – they are a lot more than a series of dead-ends!

2. I was amazed how little I even recognised let alone valued some of the skills I have – things that seemed just common sense to me, and were dismissed as irrelevant. But after reading about who I am six times, I finally realised that to be organised wasn’t so boring after all and might actually be something I am naturally good at. Alongside being logical and rational, dependable, trustworthy, stable and loyal. That isn’t all of me of course, but it is one part which I had hitherto neglected, or even negated. So I have started to appreciate myself more, for who I am right now.

And the outcome of all of this? Well I have still carefully avoided making any decisions, but between what I have learned here, another recent experience from a first look at my past life experiences (possibly a topic for a future post), and some breath work suggested to me in the meditation, my nose seems to have settled to the point I can still breathe through it without spraying it with anti-cholinergics three or four times a day. That to me is an amazing improvement.

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